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the-vashta-nerada:

chronukkahlylate:

the-vashta-nerada:

the-vashta-nerada:

one time i picked up a penny and i hit my head on the door handle and i have a tiny scar from it and that was the third worst time i ever picked up a penny

the second worst time i ever picked up a penny was when one time i picked up a penny on the street and i almost got hit by a car

what’s the worst time you ever picked up a penny

i was in an airport and i hit a baby by accident

1 hour ago — (134729)

LadyGagaJust one more plane ride till I’m united w my baby girl Asia. I think we just locked in on hour 24 of traveling back from Australia.

giveamanagame:

captainjamestklrk:

MY BIRD IS SITTING IN THE TOP CORNER OF HER CAGE CALLING MY DOG’S NAME AND ASKING IF HE WANTS A TREAT AND IF HE WANTS TO GO TO OUTSIDE AND HE’S TOO STUPID TO REALIZE IT’S HER SO EVERYTIME SHE SAYS SOMETHING HE LOOKS AT ME LIKE

image 

SHE LAUGHS EVERYTIME TOO AND NOW HE’S JUMPING ON ME AND BARKING AND GETTING MAD AT ME LIKE OLIVER TURN AROUND AND LOOK IN THAT HUGE ASS CAGE AND BEG HER FOR A FUCKING TREAT OR SOMETHING. 

your bird is an asshole

1 hour ago — (231599) source
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monstergagaholic:

IM ACTUALLY CRYING

1 hour ago — (5401) source
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garbashians:

when someone makes a joke about one of ur insecurities

1 hour ago — (309868) source
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swagking4000:

there was a big explosion sound outside and i pulled aside my curtain to see what it was but as i did so, so did the woman across the street and we both sort of waved at each other and it was nice even though something may have exploded

2 hours ago — (244047) source

onthesideoftheotters:

shotadreams:

mage-of-katnep:

rainbowsfireworks:

confusedtree:

ollivander:

lampghost:

[sleep-over voice] are you awake

[sleep-over reply voice] yeah

[regrettable sleepover invitee voice] you guys SHH

[confused sleep-over voice] what is the meaning of life

[annoyed sleep-over voice] dude shut up

[sleep-over host voice] you guys be quiet my moms gonna hear us

[unknown voice] you kids wanna buy some drugs

2 hours ago — (611015) source

you-do-you-boo-boo:

have you ever had to restart a song because you spaced out and weren’t appreciating it enough

3 hours ago — (81333) source

radicaldaydream-er:

have you ever had a dream of someone you haven’t seen or talked to in years and wonder if anyone ever randomly dreams about you too.

3 hours ago — (60100) source

thatfunnyblog:

my friend just sent me this and im in the middle of a class and I cant stop laughing

23 hours ago — (262967) source